Coping with tough days is inevitable during your cancer journey. Tough days will range from pain to mental challenges. Pain and discomfort will be part of the journey as is coping with the mental challenges. I can only write about our experiences and how we dealt with them however from the moment you are diagnosed you realize everybody’s journey is different and our only common link is the word cancer.
Every cancer and every chemo is different as is everyone’s reaction to it. There is no straightforward answer to what the journey will mean to you. That is one of the hardest things to get across when you talk to people. I can guarantee you will be told multiple times that X reacted a certain way even though they may have had a completely different cancer and chemo treatment. This will be both frustrating and annoying. It is one thing you will have to deal with.
Coping with your cancer journey is without doubt one of the toughest fights you will have in your life whether you are the patient or the spouse. There are some great sites that can help you through this time. Check out https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/treatment/chemotherapy/living-with/everyday-life. please don’t be afraid to use any help you need. You are never alone.
Bad days
You will have bad days. There is no way around it. There will be days when your body aches as if you have run a marathon. There will be days that you just feel bad. You can’t say exactly how you are feeling but you know it’s rough. These are the tough days. You know you already have so much medicine in your body and the reality is that you just have to manage some tough days.
Taking a walk can be really good. You won’t feel like it but once you are out in the fresh air you will feel better. The simple activity of getting outside seems to stop the thoughts from festering and increasing. It doesn’t matter if you simply walk to a bench. Try and get outside.
Accept that some days will be long and painful. The fact you are in an endless cycle of chemo is often hard to take. At the beginning, you will think 6 months of chemo is doable but the reality is that mid-term you will feel overwhelmed and exhausted. Just know these days will pass and tomorrow you may well feel much better both physically and mentally.
Working together
One of the biggest challenges for us has been how we both deal with the journey. I immediately took on the role of the carer. I needed to feel as if I was doing something to help. I knew I could cook healthy meals, wash clothes and care for my husband but we soon realized that is was a fine line between caring for someone and being a carer. I soon realized that my husband didn’t need to feel useless and coddled. He wanted to feel as if he was still able to manage a semi-normal life. It’s a tightrope of balancing care with still being a partner.
The first thing we learned was that I needed to know when he needed space. As a partner, it is so easy to constantly ask are you ok? what can I do? But if you do this constantly throughout the day you don’t give your partner the space he needs. It is hard to step back but everyone needs a little breathing space.
Honesty
At the start of our journey, we promised we would always be honest with each other. I would need to accept he was being honest with me if he said he was feeling ok and he needed to accept if I was struggling. As a partner, you will struggle watching someone you love go through such brutal treatment. I know it is to save someone but it is incredibly hard to watch.
Being honest with each other is vital to navigating the treatment. Talk to each other. Accept it if they need to be left alone. Accept it if they are in pain but there is nothing you can do. Remember they are not a child and need to be treated with respect. They also need to know if they are taking out their fear or pain on you. Being honest is vital.
Mental challenges
The mental toll cancer will have on you is just as hard as the other side effects. You will spend so much time worrying if the cancer is spreading or whether the chemo is working. You will also feel as if your whole life is in limbo which it effectively is. Coping with the mental stress is difficult and again it is imperative that you are honest with each other. Recognize when you need help and keep talking. Talk to your doctor if you have things that are worrying you. They don’t want you to worry needlessly. Talk to each other. You may not be able to solve the worry but you will help yourself by sharing your worries. Make sure you reach out if you are struggling. Take the help that is offered.
In our cancer journey, I am writing about the challenges and issues we faced. I hope it can help. Understanding that you are not alone can help, knowing that there are people out there that are floundering their way through it in the only way they can. It may not be the perfect way but as long as we get through the tough days we are winning. I recently saw a quote that has resonated with me. I now think of it every day.
We were given this day, let’s not waste it.
That is how we need to live. One day at a time and helping each other. Accept that we will have tough days but we will wake up tomorrow and it’s a new day. Please click here to read my post starting chemotherapy. One day at a time we can cope with the tough days.
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